Thoughts... feeling....

I felt that i have a lot of things which cant express out and i also dontknow how to express.. I dont wish to become a burden to others.. I keep on think and think, think and think.. Think about what should i do.. How to control myself.. How to think by different angles.. How to think positive.. How to think for myself, my own future... How to accept those facts... I have been trying to control my own feeling.. Trying not to get temper easily.. Trying to be more cheerful... I felt so afraid.. Afraid that things might get back to the past.. Afraid of lies.. Afraid to be hurt again.. Afraid to lose someone.. Afraid that i cant make it better.. Afraid that i neglect anyone.. I really dontknow what should i do... I felt that mainly its my own fault... It started with all my actions, childish thinking and selfishness.. I should be responsible for my own actions..
I know i shouldnt let relationship affect myself so much.. I have tried to do whatever i can... To make everyone feel better... Even how upset i feel, i will put up a smiley face.. I rather keep my sadness to myself.. I dont wish to have quarrel and arguement.. Its pointless as the situation is already in this way.. Cant change the facts so i have to change myself.. Maybe im silly or stupid but once u have a motivation, its worth it.. I shouldnt burden others with my own problems.. I dontknow how long can i maintain myself but let nature take its course ba.. lets just continue the way it is now...