Hoping for the better

Well, i have been working at my aunt place recently and it spoiled my body clock again.

Time flies...

February -> worse month of the year
March -> alright
April -> hoping for better!

I still haven pay my fees! Hais....
Im afraid i cant cope with it.. Thinking is easier than doing it.. I also haven find a proper job yet! Omg! Dying......

Afternoon time with sis.

Went to meet my sis at Northpoint and we went to have our lunch at sakae sushi again! Hahas! I bet my bro sure very envy us! We eat till want to vomit liao. hahas! After eating, went to walk awhile then take train back. Meet a friend at cck then walk hm tgt. Heard a bad news yesterday. :(

Drink, drank, drunk.

Yesterday went to bpp with a friend around evening to pass a person something then had dinner at the kopitiam. Buy a cup of Gong Cha. Quarrel again and again. Went home after that. Saw my whatsapp that my ex colleagues are going for a drink, was thinking that its been 3 weeks since i meetup with them so i going to find them. We went to the same usual place for a drink. Its always that fun and enjoyable with them. After i drink, i become high which will be keep laughing. LOLS feel like its been a long time since im able to laugh till like that. Play cards and chit chat. Console one of my colleague which i think she fall out of love. Cab home.

Day out.

Yesterday went to northpoint to meet sis. End up she late for around 45min so i went to walk alone. After she came then see baby clothes awhile jiu go queue up for the dontknow what thingy, got $5 voucher. We went to eat sakae sushi but only eat abit then go kopitiam eat chicken rice. Lols walk awhile only jiu go hm le. Go out like never do anything much but eat.

Today actually was alright but quarrel cause of some misunderstanding.. Hais but after that alright le.. Dontknow can maintain till whn.. So sian...
Got to faster find job liao.. Cannot waste so much time if not i will be getting more and more lazy...

Pathetic me.

Today, i give out my temper. Im sorry about it.
Anw, im not gonna care more... Im not gonna think more.. Im not gonna be a good girl... I just be wadever i am.. Who cares... I manage to change my thinking within short period doesnt mean i can change my actions within short period... Who gonna care for my feelings.. Im feeling awful.. I cant let go now.. Wtf... But to continue this way.. Someday mayb i might get depression.. I guess... Hais
Now i felt that i cant control myself.. What the heck am i doing! Freaking hell.. Ok fine.. Im not gonna care already... Plus theres nothing i can do but wait.. See..

Feeling uneasy..

I almost had a heart attack just now.. Felt so anxious and nervous.. I still cant accept some of the facts.. I have been trying to keep my feelings to myself.. But somehow, only managed to keep some of it.. Yesterday, i continued my thinkings Then suddenly get too emotional. I cried. I cant calm myself down until im sleepy. I have to accept some kind of unreasonable things so i thinking of ways to accept.. This makes me fear of it. The more i think, the more complicated and confusing i get.. I really dontknow what can i do.. Im trying to show others that im strong, i can overcome it but who knows the scenes behind it? Only myself. Please dont leave me alone when i needed you. I do need supports and encouragement.

Theres always a scar left behind even after the wounds have recovered so its hard to avoid those fear..

People tend to be selfish although we shouldnt be selfish but there are some things which selfish is reasonable.

In this short period of time after that matter, i think i did a great job to change my own thinkings and mindset. At least i tried my best to overcome it. The ending is important as well as the process. You will learn and experience different things just by the process and get the results by the ending. Dont just focus on the ending and forget about the process.

We cant predict our future but at least we can change the route by our actions and mindset. Our decision may affects our future so think carefully before u decide. I dontknow if im making the right decision for now but at least i know we are happy.

Live with hope in your heart.

Thoughts... feeling....

I felt that i have a lot of things which cant express out and i also dontknow how to express.. I dont wish to become a burden to others.. I keep on think and think, think and think.. Think about what should i do.. How to control myself.. How to think by different angles.. How to think positive.. How to think for myself, my own future... How to accept those facts... I have been trying to control my own feeling.. Trying not to get temper easily.. Trying to be more cheerful... I felt so afraid.. Afraid that things might get back to the past.. Afraid of lies.. Afraid to be hurt again.. Afraid to lose someone.. Afraid that i cant make it better.. Afraid that i neglect anyone.. I really dontknow what should i do... I felt that mainly its my own fault... It started with all my actions, childish thinking and selfishness.. I should be responsible for my own actions..
I know i shouldnt let relationship affect myself so much.. I have tried to do whatever i can... To make everyone feel better... Even how upset i feel, i will put up a smiley face.. I rather keep my sadness to myself.. I dont wish to have quarrel and arguement.. Its pointless as the situation is already in this way.. Cant change the facts so i have to change myself.. Maybe im silly or stupid but once u have a motivation, its worth it.. I shouldnt burden others with my own problems.. I dontknow how long can i maintain myself but let nature take its course ba.. lets just continue the way it is now...